29 Nov 2018

Jillian Ward's sense of humour

Hello my little chickadees

This week on my blog I have a fellow author that I have known for a considerable time. Ironically she has made herself at home in my cave and not only suggested a few alterations but actually shifted a few bits around !!! I'm gonna get her!!!! 

Right then so I'll just lull her into a false sense of security....


Hello Jillian my lovely, would you like to introduce yourself?


Tee:  See what I mean

Q. Who is Jillian Ward?

Well, let’s see. She’s a woman of a certain age who was born and bred in the North West of England, and who 18 years ago fled across the border to God’s Own Country (Scotland) to start a new life after chucking in the 9-5 rat race. There life began anew. There she could pursue her dream of being a writer, made new friends (one very special friend in particular ), involved herself in her new community, etc.

Personality: Jillian has a sarcastic sense of humour, verging on wicked, but also a romantic streak a mile wide and a heart that loves unconditionally - earn her loyalty and it is yours for ever. She hates injustice, loves to learn new things (like Polish), and is practical (they call her the flat pack queen). She is idiot intolerant (particularly orange ones), slow to anger, but can hold a grudge for eternity. She can be introverted to the point of hermit-hood and she writes stories to live vicariously through her characters because they are her way to do/say/visit/experience things/places she can’t in real life. She has eclectic tastes in books, movies and music, lives in baggy sweaters and leggings, has never eaten an oyster and is allergic to kiwi fruit and borage. 

Q. Where do you live? 

 I live in Aberdeen, NE Scotland, former oil capital of Europe, and I’m proud to do so. I love it here. The part of the city I live in is known as Old Aberdeen with very old granite buildings and cobbled streets, and the house I live under – in a basement flat – is a 200 year old former manse with a beautiful garden. Lovely Seaton Park is close by and across the road from my front gate is St Machar’s cathedral. I’m a mile from the beach in one direction, two or three from the countryside in the other, a mile and a half from the city centre. Being a stone’s throw from the main campus of the University of Aberdeen the area bustles with students from all over the world. So, historic yet very cosmopolitan. Aberdeen is having a bad time at the moment after the oil industry tanked, but it still has some marvellous architecture and history to appreciate and enjoy, even its own dialect (Doric). When it’s dreich, the people are all hunched and murderous looking, like a casting call for Deliverance. Then the sun shines and the city sparkles and faces unfurl and it’s a beautiful place full of beautiful people. I’m never leaving. I can’t. All my characters live here.


























Tee: I love that blue door to your property in the top photo of the Chanonery. Is that the Aberdeen skyline and that beach looks a bit bracing to be honest. Is that bottom photo the Inversnecky where you eat? Looks nice! Not as nice as my food here though.

Q. Tell us about family members 

 My household is male dominated, even the dog. Although I have 3 sons, 2 of them live away so there is just the youngest (21) at home. There is another male presence, but we don’t talk about him. I have other family living back in England but I haven’t seen them for over 6 years. My real family members, the ones who matter most, live in my computer. My Facebook friends are as real and as important to me as any flesh and blood body sitting in my living room. 

Q. Have you any pets?

Only Archie, my bad tempered Jack Russell terrier. He’s 15 now, losing his sight, a bit broad in the beam and unsteady on his pins, but he’s happy enough in his own doggy way. 











Tee: Some of my previous inmates would have liked him. Happily they are no longer around giving grief.

 Q. Where do you go to find solace when you want to get off the world?

There’s a lovely cabin I go to just outside of Nairn, about an hour and a half away. It’s called the Studio (because it’s a former artist’s studio) in the grounds of Glenferness House, surrounded by miles of woodland and the river Findhorn outside the door (and 100 ft down a steep slope but I try not to think about that). It has no TV, no phone and no internet. Just birds and deer and sheep and quiet. Absolute bliss. As long as there is clean water, the leccy stays on and nobody comes a’callin’ I’m good.










Tee:  Too clean for me. I prefer my cave and its natural ambience.

Q. Favourite food/drink? (Please tell me it’s haggis)

I do like haggis, with neeps and tatties and onion gravy. My favourite food though is cheese. Like Wallace I love a punchy tangy cheddar. Yum! I also adore chocolate and bananas but as I eat a very low carbohydrate diet as a rule, these are rare and exotic treats. As for (alcoholic) drink, I’ve been dry for a long time. However, if I feel I’m able to handle it I like a (very) small glass of Krupnik Wisniowy which is a cherry flavoured Polish vodka liqueur. My favourite day to day drink is of course coffee, lots and lots of coffee, with the odd cup of tea in between to keep the kettle warm.

Q. Tell me about your writing. What thrills you and what drives you nuts?

I’ve been writing something or other for as long as I can remember. I was pretty precocious when it came to reading and writing. I could do both before I even went to school. At school I read everything the library could throw at me and I also wrote stories, winning a gold star and the English prize for ‘A day in the life of a penny’. 
Now I’m an adult I write because…cue a string of well worn clichés... because I can, because it’s a kind of therapy to get down on paper all those things dancing around in my head, to still the voices, because the characters tell me to, because I have to. Sounds silly, sounds trite, sounds simplistic, doesn’t it? But as any writer will tell you, it’s true. Basically, writing is the one thing that stops me from going batshit bonkers!

What thrills me about writing? Well, not just the blank page and the cursor blinking with potential, but the research that goes before, during and after. Sure there’s the ‘thrill of the chase’ that comes with banging out those initial pages to really get my pulse racing, but the research always brings the biggest challenges…and the biggest reward () Writing ‘the end’ always fills me with both satisfaction and sadness; that someone has read one of my stories and liked it, the ultimate joy. 
What drives me nuts about writing? Well, wanting to write and not being able to. Not only when the well of ideas runs dry and I’m struggling for momentum, but also day to day. The constant bloomin’ interruptions that pull me out of the zone. Have you seen this (insert pathetic meme/video/post from interwebs)? Where’s my socks? Do I have a clean shirt? What’s for tea? Urrrgggghhhhh! Leave me alone! Can’t you see I have a knife in this person’s literary tripes ready to spill them all over the floor (or put them in a pie)? 

And when the book is done, there’s the task of getting someone (or hopefully a lot of somebodies) to read the work. Marketing is really hard work, very time consuming and needs to be done just right. I’ll put my hand up. I’m a writer not a salesperson. Writing is easy compared to getting readers and spreading the love. But, it is a necessary evil and I try my best. #sigh

Q. Do you like my victim cave? I think it has such a lovely ambience about it.

I really like what you’ve done with the place since you kicked the last victim to the kerb. Kind of homely in a serial killer meets Colin and Justin on crack kind of way. Snug and dark. I live in a basement already so I feel quite at home. Being in solitary means I can finally get some sleep. 
The water dribbling down the wall is a nice feature. It pays to stay hydrated. The air freshener leaves a bit to be desired, though. Eau de Vomit if I’m not mistaken. It quite cleared out my sinuses. However, I think I’m allergic to the straw. I seem to have come out in a rash. Or it could be the lice. FYI, the previous occupant seems to have left some bits of him/herself behind. I put them in the corner for the rats.
All you need is a few cheap fairy lights and a wind chime and it would be perfect.

Tee: There you go again with the redesigning ... Thinks... it will soon be Christmas though and she's with me on the orange idiot.

Q. You’re given an all expenses paid holiday. Where in the world would you take off too? Would you go alone or with company?

Oh, that’s a tough one. I don’t like to travel (I get terrible motion sickness) and I enjoy my own company, so my ideal all expenses paid holiday would be if someone would pay me to either stay at home with my laptop and my DVDs and books, a supply of cheese, chocolate and coffee, with a padlock the size of an Orc’s fist fitted to the door to keep interlopers out, or spend a couple of months by myself up at the Studio in perfect isolation. 
That being said I did enjoy my first solo trip to Shetland last year (on a boat!) and I rather fancy going again to see the Up Helly Aa fire festival next January. Also Poland looks friendly. 
So with the right tour guides, smooth seas and enough Avomine I could be persuaded to change my mind.

Q. I believe you’re involved in charities would you like to tell us about them?

I’m a great supporter of military charity Combat Stress. Royalties from In the Garden of Stones go there. Also royalties from Offshore go to Pound for Piper who maintain the Piper Alpha Memorial monument, and monies from On The Fly go to Fishing for Heroes. I donate a lot of clothing, toiletries etc to the local Cyrenians who help the homeless, and also support Social Bite which is a café run for and by homeless people. I volunteered for a while at the local Forces Support shop until it closed down. 

Q. Hobbies 































I’ve dabbled in this and that over the years and I’m not really good at anything apart from knitting and crochet. I can make clothing and blankets and all kinds of things from yarn and a hook or needles, so it’s not so much a hobby as a post apocalypse survival skill.
 I tried painting in the Bob Ross fashion for a while and that was quite successful, but oil paints are expensive and they smell really bad so I had to give that up. The whole house stank of linseed. Essence of roses compared to the pong in this place though. I think your drain hole is bunged up. 

Tee: Leave my drain hole out of this thank you very much. There's a lot of blood and gore gone down there.
Blimey did you crochet them? Respect <stop it; you're starting to go soft>

Q. What gives you a real buzz?

Bees. Wasps. Mosquitoes. Only joking. Let’s see. A book sale. A (good) review. A royalty cheque. They give me a real boost. An exam success for my son. Managing to conjugate an irregular Polish verb. Completing a really complicated crochet/knitting project and it looks great. That’ll do it. 
You know that saying, little things please little minds? Well that’s me all over.

Tee:  I can see I need to strap you to the electric chair.

Jillian: Oh goody I could do with a bit of jerky, general movement, I'm getting stiff here.

Q. What genre do you write in? Does it vary at all?

Whatever takes me at the moment. I’ve dipped my toe in various genres - romance, thriller, psychological, paranormal, horror, a saucy romp (ooh matron!) to varying degrees of success.  I’ve avoided historical, steampunk and science fiction because I consider them ‘specialist’ and as I don’t know anything about those genres and they have never pushed my buttons, I’ll stick with the ones that I can really get my teeth into so to speak.  I don’t have a favourite, but if pushed I would tend towards crime and/or horror. That way I can take out all my murderous urges without actually harming anyone (even if they deserve it) 
I also write under pseudonyms. It was kind of an experiment. I wanted to see if a woman with a genteel name like Lucy Pepperdine could be taken seriously writing horror, and I also used a gender neutral name, Dale Henderson, for a grittier drama to see if it made any difference. The jury is still out.

Q. Do you characters take over at all and if so how do you deal with it?

Too right they do! Cheeky devils. Always wanting to trot off and do something/somebody. Then we have to sit down and have a serious chat about who’s actually in charge of this story. And more often than not it turns out they are. So I let them have their way and if it goes wrong give them the old ‘told you so’, then we try it my way. Usually though, they are right and I am relegated to mere story relater rather than creator.

However, some characters have taken over not only the story but ME, the person. Nathaniel made me fall in love with him, as did Adam and Hamish, but Henry…oh my beloved. Based on a real person, he captured my heart completely. How do I deal with it? I love them right back of course, Henry most of all.

Q. Have you a favourite place to go where you live?

Plenty. Out of town, when I need fresh air and exercise I have a stroll through Seaton Park. If I have plenty of time I’ll walk out to the beach and along the boulevard. Quite often I find myself down at the harbour watching the ships coming in and out. It’s a habit of mine to watch the Northlink ferry leave every day and carry my best wishes to my friend in Shetland. 
I don’t have a particular favourite place IN town but if I’m feeling peoply and it’s a nice sunny day I’ll take a coffee and a book and sit under a tree in Union Terrace Gardens and read and people watch, often accompanied by the skirl of a piper.

Q. Would you like to contribute any body parts to my cave? I accept anything that’s on offer to improve the musky look and smell. The more rancid it is the better.

Well, if you’re willing to insert the tube and have a 55 gallon drum to hand I can donate a few kilos of spare body fat. You can melt it down like whale blubber, stick a wick in it and use it to light the place. It might be a bit smelly but it’ll save a shilling in the meter. 

Tee:  Hm There's a thought. I could use a couple more candles in here.

Q. Have you any WIP at the moment, or anything due to be published?

I have two WIPs on the go at the moment which have been sadly neglected. Both are former NaNoWriMo projects – Stitch Bitch Kill (for which the lovely Poppet has already designed me a fabulous cover), and O.I.Hell which is awaiting some more research. I switch between them as the mood takes me or a good idea pops up. It’s slow going, but I’ll get there….eventually. Something about Rome and a day… I doubt they will see the light of a publishing day before 2020, but writing keeps me from walking the streets, so it’s all good.
On the plus side I’ve recently contributed a short story – Stocking Killer - to recently released Christmas anthology of which I am rather proud.

Tee: Do you mean this? I contributed to this with a short story called A Corpse at Christmas. Some of my previous victims contributed when I'd finished with them. It's probably where they got all their ideas from. I saw a link for it somewhere.











 Ah here it is... 



Thank you for having me in your cave, Tee. It’s been quite the experience. These festering boils are coming along a treat. Look at the head on that one. Look at it throbbing. Any chance of some antibiotics? Or a sharp stick?

Tee: Er.... No of course not! What makes you think I'm nice. Oh wait, you think because I made nice comments about your photos earlier I'm now mellowing. Hah no chance doll face. In fact take that, and that....

Jillian: Arrrrggghhh that electric probe really hurt Tee...

Tee: Job done <grotesque smile and a heinous cackle for effect>

Jillian: Do widzenia! (Polish for goodbye)

************


Book links as Jillian Ward

Saving Nathaniel         
http://getbook.at/SavingNathaniel 


Keeping Christopher   
http://getbook.at/KeepingChristopher 


He, She and Him         
http://mybook.to/hesheandhim


Watch Your Back         
http://getbook.at/WatchYourBack


Three Way Street         
http://getbook.at/ThreeWayStreet 


On The Fly                  
http://getbook.at/OnTheFly


Book links as Lucy Pepperdine

Offshore          
http://getbook.at/Offshore_LucyPepper 

(also in audiobook from Audible)


In The Garden of Stones 
http://getbook.at/GardenOfStones_LucyPepper 

(also in audiobook from Audible)


Anima Mea                    


Book links as Dale Henderson

Coming Clean            


Full details of all books are available at 
www.bluequillbooks.com 

Book cover images:
Established works:













































































































Current work in progress













Well there you have it. 

Laters potaters


10 Nov 2018

And then there's megalodon sharks

Well my little chickadees how are you all? I'm not really interested I just felt I ought to ask. Don't think I can't see you with your fingers sticking up at the back.

From time to time in the past, I have interviewed film stars and film directors and that sets the scene for my guest in the cave this week. No, he's not Paul Rudd the film star, he's the author and a friend of mine.

I'm going to introduce a new instrument of torture by the way that I picked it up when I visited a prison in the States (as you do) I must admit I had a hell of a time getting it shipped over. It cost me a fortune so I hope he likes it. It's a bit old fashioned but it works a treat. Well put it this way I certainly get the victims attention when their mind wanders.



So Paul, pop your picture up so we can get a look at you. Ew yuk!!

Paul Rudd

You're inside a shark's mouth, I should have expected something like that. So then, welcome to my 5 star state of the art, victim cave. It has a certain ambience don’t you think? 

Ambience! I’m more worried about the chair you’re telling me to sit in. What’s with all the straps and constraints? 


Just trying to make you feel at home, Paul! 

Well, in that case, Tee. Hook me up buttercup!

Will you introduce yourself please?

My name is Paul Rudd. And, before you ask, I have never met Captain America, and had nothing to do with that incident in Berlin! 



Q Tell me about Paul Rudd the author then and his family as opposed to the film star

I have been with my wonderful partner for 18 years, the mother to my two beautiful children, Alyssa (9) and Lewis (7). We live in Essex. I’ve been writing for the best part of 11 years. I’m an avid Liverpool fan, I love movies and music.

Q So you’ve been writing books for quite a while now Paul; tell me about them and what made you choose the horror of sharks. Oh wait, I bet you saw Jaws? Go on admit to it !

Now it makes sense why I am strapped to this leather chair, and plugged up to all of these wires. You’re reading my mind! 

I’ve written six books and added some short stories to a couple of anthologies. 

With regards to Sharc, it is the adage… 

“I watched the movie Jaws…” 

So, from the age of eight, or nine, I had three barrels in me (thanks Quint!). It just took me twenty five years to realise why the barrels were still in me. The movie is what hooked me, but I decided to write about the Megalodon because of one book - Meg. 



This is the actual book I bought in 1997!

“But that’s like a whole other century!” 

Yep, I’m that old, kids! 

Tee: No argument from me shark man.

MEG was awesome! Aside from the Lord of the Rings, the Meg was the only other book that made me think, wow! And the best thing is, after twenty odd years, this summer it was brought to the big screen, with Jason Statham, and the movie was awesome. 

My other books are Sharc Bait, a follow on from Sharc. You have more Megalodon, more deaths, and a city that floats on the sea, called the ARC.

Tee: Yep I read Sharc and it scared the bejeebers out of me and that's why you're in that chair and I'm not. They say revenge is best served cold.
 



Shark Spawn, is Sharks in Space! And I am happy to say, nobody has done it before, not even the Asylum, so I’m taking this moment to say “I did it first, folks!” 



Wild Wild Dead is a zombie western, with a twist.  


Ningen is a science fiction story based on the Ningen.



London Warriors is my Fellowship of the Ring.


It’s basically Escape from New York, mixed with The Warriors, and a s*** storm that runs rampant across London. Ahhhhh, what’s with the electric shock… 

Tee – I don’t like swearing in my cave. Unless you want to end up as one of the rotting corpses, I suggest you not swear again. I have my standards to keep up.

Well that explains the smell! Sure thing, Tee, sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yeah, London Warriors. It’s my favourite book that I’ve written so far and the first in a proposed trilogy.

Tee - Yeah I remember reading and editing that one. I had many sleepless nights. Take that!

Ahhhhh that actually brought tears to my eyes Tee.

Tee - laughs heinously "job done then" 

You really are a cruel woman. Where was I? Oh yes, all my books are available on Kindle, Paperback and some on Audible. 

Q What’s your favourite pastime

Watching movies! It is a great way to unwind, and research for books. I like to take onboard how the cinematic universe is evolving, and how my stories can evolve at the same time - (at least that’s what I tell the Missus). 

Twenty years ago you only had a few blockbusters out a year. Nowadays there are so many films released it is hard to keep track of them all, so I merely stick to the ones I know I’m gonna like. Now and again you come across a few surprises, which is always nice.

Q Favourite drink/food/hot cold

A nice cuppa! And I love Spag bol, love it.

Q Tell me about the publishing house you and C Reg Jones started.

Ah, my partner in crime! As you already know Tee, Reggie is a top, top man. We’ve know each other as long as you and I have been friends. The Welsh Wonder is always positive about life, he plays the drums a bit too, and he is an excellent author, I love his stories, the realism, (he paid me to say this by the way. The cheque is in the post, apparently).

Tee - I wouldn't hold your breath sunshine. I've been friends with the little Welsh lamb chop as long as you have.

Ravenous Roadkill is our little side project. As most of our author group are aware, we’ve all been a part of a publishing house that has had to close down at one time or another. It’s unfortunate for everybody when that happens. 

Reggie and I decided to open Ravenous Roadkill to keep our dream alive. It’s a small project, just a few paperbacks, and our audiobooks.


 We have also published on Kindle through Rod Glenn at Wild Wolf Publishing. Rod did us a massive favour and we can’t thank him enough. Have you met Rod? He’s is a real life actor! Not that I’m name dropping today. 

Q Do you prefer self publishing or a publishing house

Self-publishing is difficult to juggle. I find the promotion hard to keep on top of. I honestly think if I had the time to continually promote Ravenous Roadkill’s books, our sales would increase significantly. Reg and I have both written some cracking stories, it’s just getting the public to realise that we’re not half bad at this writing malarkey.

Q What brings in the coffers on a day to day basis

I’m a debt collector 


No! Not that type of collector. I’m a barristers’ clerk, and I chase money for my members of chambers. Kerching! Wait, have you got any air freshener? It’s kicking up a bit in here.

Tee - What's air freshener? Does it come in rancid smells. Oh wait I did see that once. Nope it's meant to smell this way. Ode of rotting flesh.

Anyway, my day job. I’ve been clerking since 1992… 

“there he goes again with this other century BS”. 

One day I found out that I am pretty good at my job, so I kept going. One day it will pay the bills!

Q You’ve been given a chance to have the holiday of a lifetime with all expenses paid. Where would you go and why

I’d love to visit Hawaii. It looks like a fascinating place to visit. Sharc is based off the Hawaii coastline, so I’d love to visit what inspired me to use the area in my book. Plus Jurassic Park was filmed there and apparently there is a game called Jumanji that you can play when you visit. If you look up Nigel Billingsley, he’s happy to help you out, and the game looks fun. Just watch out for those Hippos!

Q Have you any pets

Not unless kids count?

Q What decided you on the style of book covers you use

I’ll admit, I’m a difficult sod, and a fussy f***** … ahhhh there you go again with the shocks! I’m also a hands’ on kind of guy and my dear friend, Poppet, always has a task when it comes to putting my covers together. She always tells me it’s a challenge, and she is a smashing cover designer. I can’t fault any of them. 

She’s done me so many favours over the years, sometimes you forget how much time covers can take to put together. So thanks, Poppet. You’re



Q Have you any books due to be published? If so can you tell us about them and maybe give us a taster

Frankenshark! Wait, are you laughing at me!  Yep, I’ve gone down the Asylum route of dodgy shark book titles, but I couldn’t think of anything better to describe the story. I’m about ¾ of the way through, and I hope to have it finished by the end of the year. It’s a crazy story but will be so cool when it comes together. The cover looks wicked. 

London Warriors 2, that’s not the final name. It gets dark, bloody and even more f***** up than the first book. The first book was such a good story I had to carry it on. If it does well I’ll do a final part.

Maybe Sharc 3! I’ve started it, so I may as well finish it. I just need the time, and the right story for it to continue.

I’m also working towards a full novel version of a short story, the Twelfth day of Christmas. The short is being included in an anthology coming out this Christmas, called – Another Bloody Christmas. It’s based in the 80’s and takes the reader on a retro jaunt to their youth. The story was described to me as, Jumanji, meets Stranger Things, mixed with Vampire Nation. It’s a weird tale, but came from the heart. And I think it would be a big hit if I finish it. The title will change.


Q If Sharc was turned into a film, who would you choose to play the MC 

That’s a tough one. With Meg already out there, I think Sharc would be left dead in the water to be honest. It’s a shame but, if we’re talking a Sky One mini-series, I think it would definitely work. 

There are quite a few main characters in the Sharc saga but I’d go with the following.

Morgan Read is British, so perhaps James McAvoy, or Andrew Lincoln. They would both smash it.





Cole Michaels is Morgan’s best friend, and I’d say Charlie Hunnam, from Sons of Anarchy and Pacific Rim. I based the character on the late Paul Walker, he would be the ideal actor for the part, and it was such a shame when he died so young. Or even Ryan Reynolds, he’s quality.



The female leads are Lauren Ramsey and Kimberley Clarke. Lauren is an action journalist, and it would have to be between the beautiful lasses, Blake Lively, and Margot Robbie. They are both fantastic actors, but after watching her in the Shallows, I think Blake would win that tussle. OR maybe I’m just crushing on them! You can’t blame me though. 





The second lead female character is Kimberley Clarke. She’s an expert diver, who takes no ****. The part is made for Lili Simmons. I’ve been a massive fan since she starred in Banshee. She’s been in Hawaii Five-O, True Detective, and the Purge Series. She’s awesome and she would rock the part, I know it.


Now if you asked me about London Warriors, and the entire ensemble of anti-heroes, that would be another story. It would be the expendables, meets Lord of the Rings, with enough machismo to scare even the 80’s action movies stars.


Well that’s all I got, Tee. Thanks for having me over. Now if you wouldn’t mind untying these binds, the stench is really starting to make me feel nauseous. No! Why not? Wait, why are you looking at that switch? Oh sh…… 



 And then he was gone. He didn't even say good bye.....


Links:

Twitter:  
https://twitter.com/Sharcwriterhttps://twitter.com/Sharcwriter

Facebook 
https://www.facebook.com/theauthorpaulrudd/https://www.facebook.com/theauthorpaulrudd/

Trailers to Ravenous Roadkill 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsqGC7IYsBF8lFya6d-0brwhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsqGC7I

So there you have him my little chickadees or in this case, no you don't. The chair suited it's purpose though. I think I might use it again.

Laters potaters